91 lines
2.8 KiB
Markdown
91 lines
2.8 KiB
Markdown
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---
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title: Emptiness
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tags:
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- blog
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slug: emptiness
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date: 2022-04-07T12:33:00.000Z
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date_updated: 2022-04-07T12:33:00.000Z
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---
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Ever since you sit in your comfy room, you have a smart TV; high-end laptops & PCs, 100MiB/s internet, comfort chair, even Nintendo Switch. You have a couple of good books to read, interesting thoughts to write, and some crazy reflection to draw.
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But you do nothing.
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You don't know what to do.
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You spend time sitting in front of stupid computers for 8 hours a day, talking bullshit on the Slack channels every day and writing boring code just like everyone else does. You know who you are in your 9to5 but the rest you are a nobody.
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Just a name with an empty soul.
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Maybe you have a dream, but you choose to keep your dream, dream.
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Maybe you have friends, but those are just Instagram users.
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Maybe you have a nice watch, but have no time.
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You then realize that you are not as strong as your 20's.
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You then realize that you don't have as much time as before though every day is still 24 hours.
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Your energy is spent doing nothing but work.
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You have enough money in your savings, nice stocks to trade, and some cryptocurrencies to keep. You can buy anything yet happiness is always priceless.
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Who the hell needs happiness, anyway?
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Then you see how people live their lives.
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You sure you're happy yet all you do is laugh.
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Mouth can lie but your heart can't, as you know.
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There is a strange feeling in your little heart. You don't know exactly what it is but you're sure it feel like an emptiness as it's not your very first time.
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You know what you have to do but you choose to not to.
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You need someone to talk and know it's not Siri.
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Not even your phone.
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Or your refrigerator.
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You know the name but not the person.
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You have deep regrets but don't want to change anything.
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You open Netflix but what you want to see is not there
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You open Discord, Telegram, Signal, but no one you want to contact there.
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Nobody knows what happened but you.
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Then you choose to sleep.
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Forget anything and forgive everything.
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Next morning you wake up, eat, and sit in front of stupid computer again.
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You say *"new day, new me"* yet it's still the same just like yesterday.
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And then you write this shit and save it in a draft.
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You know it won't change anything even if you publish it anywhere yet you know it won't change anything if you keep it in draft anyway.
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You click publish.
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Emptiness is still there but you know it's a different one.
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You know you just need to talk as your head can't keep it any longer.
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Then something falls in your eyes.
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You know tears won't change anything yet you know it won't change anything if you don't cry anyway.
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Then you realize that emptiness is a part of who you are.
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Because every time emptiness knocks on your door, you let it in.
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Always.
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Life is always about choice and that's what you choose.
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