---
title: Emptiness
tags:
  - blog
slug: emptiness
date: 2022-04-07T12:33:00.000Z
date_updated: 2022-04-07T12:33:00.000Z
---

Ever since you sit in your comfy room, you have a smart TV; high-end laptops & PCs, 100MiB/s internet, comfort chair, even Nintendo Switch. You have a couple of good books to read, interesting thoughts to write, and some crazy reflection to draw. 

But you do nothing.

You don't know what to do.

You spend time sitting in front of stupid computers for 8 hours a day, talking bullshit on the Slack channels every day and writing boring code just like everyone else does. You know who you are in your 9to5 but the rest you are a nobody.

Just a name with an empty soul.

Maybe you have a dream, but you choose to keep your dream, dream.

Maybe you have friends, but those are just Instagram users.

Maybe you have a nice watch, but have no time.

You then realize that you are not as strong as your 20's.

You then realize that you don't have as much time as before though every day is still 24 hours.

Your energy is spent doing nothing but work.

You have enough money in your savings, nice stocks to trade, and some cryptocurrencies to keep. You can buy anything yet happiness is always priceless.

Who the hell needs happiness, anyway?

Then you see how people live their lives.

You sure you're happy yet all you do is laugh. 

Mouth can lie but your heart can't, as you know.

There is a strange feeling in your little heart. You don't know exactly what it is but you're sure it feel like an emptiness as it's not your very first time.

You know what you have to do but you choose to not to.

You need someone to talk and know it's not Siri.

Not even your phone.

Or your refrigerator.

You know the name but not the person.

You have deep regrets but don't want to change anything.

You open Netflix but what you want to see is not there

You open Discord, Telegram, Signal, but no one you want to contact there.

Nobody knows what happened but you.

Then you choose to sleep.

Forget anything and forgive everything.

Next morning you wake up, eat, and sit in front of stupid computer again.

You say *"new day, new me"* yet it's still the same just like yesterday.

And then you write this shit and save it in a draft.

You know it won't change anything even if you publish it anywhere yet you know it won't change anything if you keep it in draft anyway.

You click publish.

Emptiness is still there but you know it's a different one.

You know you just need to talk as your head can't keep it any longer.

Then something falls in your eyes.

You know tears won't change anything yet you know it won't change anything if you don't cry anyway.

Then you realize that emptiness is a part of who you are.

Because every time emptiness knocks on your door, you let it in.

Always.

Life is always about choice and that's what you choose.